


Tempting Sodom

by maco



Series: Biblical Omens [1]
Category: Christian Bible (Old Testament), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bible, Biblical Reinterpretation, Biblical Scripture References (Abrahamic Religions), Gen, Sdom va'Amora | Sodom and Gomorrah (Abrahamic Religions), Tempter Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maco/pseuds/maco
Summary: The story of the destruction of Sodom as found in Genesis, retold with Good Omens characters.
Series: Biblical Omens [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890280
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Tempting Sodom

**Author's Note:**

> Just as in the Biblical account, there is a *mention* of rape. No actual sexual assault takes place in this work. Non-graphically-described deaths do occur. Xenophobia is portrayed as sinful. There’s an F-bomb.

Abraham looked up and spotted the three strangers walking toward him. "Please, come in and sit. It's hot out here. My wife, Sarah, will get you some refreshments." Abraham and Sarah knew the Almighty's regard for hospitality. 

"Sarah? Oh, I look forward to visiting again next year when she has the baby!" squeed Aziraphale. Sarah let out a snort. She'd heard about God's promise to Abraham, but really? Her 90th birthday was coming up. "Why are you laughing?" asked an indignant Aziraphale, while Sandalphon and Uriel took off their sandals.

"Laughing? Oh no, not me. I didn't laugh." It was a lie, but she hoped Aziraphale would let it go. (He didn't. He muttered, "yes, you did.")

Sarah set the table with wine and dates and started preparing cakes. The angels sat a while and inquired after the family as they ate and drank. Eventually, Sandalphon and Uriel excused themselves. Abraham showed them out, while Aziraphale continued enjoying Sarah's cooking.

Outside the tent, Sandalphon mentioned to Abraham that they were off to destroy Sodom for being such an evil city. "Just going to wipe it right off the map!" Abraham challenged: "surely, the entire city isn't evil? Are you really going to kill the innocent too? Wouldn't you spare the city if there were 50 good people?"

"Well, for 50, I suppose…fine."

"And, uh, if it came up a few short? Say 45?"

By the time the angels set off, Abraham had negotiated down to 10 good people sparing the whole city. His nephew, Lot, lived in Sodom, and he was sure he was a good lad with a good family. That had to count for something.

When the angels arrived at Sodom's gates, Lot was the first to greet them. He offered them his home to wash up and spend the night. They declined his offer, saying they'd just sleep in the town square. The night's weather would be nice for a camp out. Lot knew what kind of neighbors he had, so he insisted the angels stay with him. They agreed.

As soon as they were out of site of the gate, Crowley leaned over to the nearest group of Sodomites. "Can you believe the nerve of some people? Coming to _our_ city? Expecting _our_ walls to protect _them_?" He scoffed. "What's wrong with where they came from, huh? Can't they go back there? If we start letting these foreign freeloaders mooch off our city, where will it end? No, Sodom is a _proud_ city! If we start helping these needy people, what will become of our wealth? You don't stay wealthy just giving it away."

The Sodomites started to grumble among themselves. Temptation accomplished. Crowley couldn't wait to see the look on Sandalphon's face when they slammed the door in it! Oh, this would be fun!

By nightfall, a crowd had amassed around Lot's house. They were demanding he hand over the foreigners. Crowley watched from the shadows. Yes, this temptation was going well. Sandalphon was going to be out on his keister.

Then one of the Sodomites shouted, "where are those foreigners? Send ‘em out so we can fuck ‘em! That'll teach them to come begging around here!"

Rape? This temptation was not going well.

At this point, Sandalphon was pretty sure he wasn't going to find 10 good people in town. Let the smiting begin! Uriel told Lot to get his family and get out. The angels went into full Miracle Mode, as they helped the family beat a hasty retreat from the city, instructing them not to look back as the angels destroyed it.

Crowley followed along behind, in the shadows. He liked the shadows. At one point, when Lot's wife lagged a bit further behind the family, Crowley thought it would be a fun prank to tap her on the shoulder. She looked back, and she was instantly turned to salt. 

Oops. This temptation really was not going well. It was probably time for Crowley to retire for the night.

Lot and his daughters made camp in the mountains.

Crowley spotted a small tent all alone. Figuring there's safety in numbers, he set up near it. Wouldn't it figure? That angel he met back on Day One was in the tent. "Oh, angel, you don't know the day I've had…" he said as he started a fire.

"Oh? Do tell."

So, Crowley recounted about the visit and the temptation: "…and **then** the humans decide on sexual assault to get rid of—oh no. You weren’t one of the angels at Lot’s house, were you?” 

“No, no, that was Sandalphon and Uriel."

"Oh, ok, well, Lot, he—get this—he offers to let them rape his daughters instead! Of course, they're not after sex, not really. They wanted to send a message about how they treat foreigners, and then they reminded Lot that _he’d_ been a foreigner there, too once, and they threatened to do worse than rape him if he didn’t hand the foreigners over…." Crowley shook his head. Humans! They couldn't do a simple exile. Always had to be extra. "Hey, why _didn't_ you go with the others to Sodom?"

"Well, smiting a city doesn't really require three angels, and Sarah made date cakes! They were just finishing cooking as the others left, and it would be rude not to eat them after she'd gone to the trouble, you know. So, we spent the afternoon discussing baby names. She's really not fond of the name Isaac, but the Almighty has said that's the name, so I'm sure she'll come around."

**Author's Note:**

> The main text is based on Genesis 17–19, including even that Abraham received 3 angels, but Lot received only 2.
> 
> Crowley’s temptation is based on Ezekiel 16:49–50’s explanation of the reasons for Sodom’s destruction. The theme of inhospitality in connection with Sodom is repeated by Jesus in Luke 10.
> 
> Also, according to the [Talmud Sanhedrin 109a](https://www.sefaria.org/Sanhedrin.109a.11?lang=bi&with=all&lang2=en):  
> "The people of Sodom said: Since we live in a land from which bread comes and has the dust of gold, we have everything that we need. Why do we need travelers, as they come only to divest us of our property? Come, let us cause the proper treatment of travelers to be forgotten from our land..."


End file.
